


Arthur trying to be a good son

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24996364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: Inspired by the scene when he comes home to his mum.His point of view.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/You
Kudos: 5





	Arthur trying to be a good son

Coming home never feels quite right. I have spent here all my life, so I guess it should feel like home. But it doesnt. I feel like I´m being stucked here. Maybe for the rest of my life. There is still hope to get away from this place though. Out of Gotham. Somehwere far away from those dirty streets. Maybe California. But who knows if this fantasy will ever come true. I have a lot of fantasies going on in my head. And none of them became true. Ever.   
I enter the bulding I have known all my life. I dont even notice the bad smell anymore, since there is piled up garbage all over the city. Another walk to the letter box. Another turn of the keys. Its all so mundane. Every day is the same. I need something else. Excitement. Love. Passion. Maybe just a nice word. Or a smile from a stranger on the street. Anything to make my day a little bit different from all the countless others.  
The letterbox is empty. Again. Of course it is. Wayne never sends a god damn letter. I dont know why my mum is still trying. I dont even know why she tried to write him letters in the first place. I dont think he ever received one of those. But for some reason its important to mum and I hate to disappoint her by telling her the box is empty over and over again. So even if I dont care about him personally, I wish there was a letter for once. That would be a change,too.  
But I have to go to unlock the door without a letter in my hand. Its like re living a deja vu. I even wear the same clothes I was wearing in high school. I would buy some new ones but we dont have much money and there is always something more important to buy than that. I make sure that they`re clean and that my hair looks nice. But I still feel like people are judgy about the clothes you wear. Anyway, somehow the clothes I got bullied for as a tennager became my second skin now. Maybe I am over it and I dont even want a new sweater or jacket anymore.  
Music is playing from the radio, which means I havent missed the beginning of the Murray Franklin show yet. At least thats something I can look forward to. The best part of the day. Watching The Murray Franklin show with my mother. Its something we like to do together. Something we share. Some day I hope to be able to watch it with my girlfriend. Cuddeling up on the bed, having someone in my arms. That would be nice. But again, its just a fantasy of mine.  
I throw the keys and the meds I just bought at the pharmacy beside and take off my jacket. my back hurts. I will try my best to hide it from my mother. I dont want her to know that I got beaten up again. I can already feel how bruised it will soon look. I guess I have to avoid being shirtless around her for a couple of days. There is already enough for her to worry about. I dont want her to get worried about me,too.  
"Happy, did you checked the mail before you came up?"  
Happy....it hurts when she calles me that. But she doesnt even notice. Some day I will tell her how much it hurts.  
""Yeah, Mum. Nothing." I take my meds out of the paper back and think about if I should put some sleeping pills into her meal, so she gets less worried about everything. She needs some rest. And I need some time for myself,too. So we both win when she is asleep early.  
The news are still up as I bring her the food. Some meat with carrotts, peas and smashed potatoes I just heated up in the microwave. I wish I was a better cook but no one ever taught me. And I dont`t really eat anyway. I always think I would enjoy cooking for some reason. I enjoy baking and I can do a ginger bread man. But I never do it. I wish I had a gilfriend to bake with.  
Dreams. Always dreams.  
They talk about the super rats again. Everytime you think this city cant get any worse, it does. Somethimes I wish this city would just burn to the ground. I would stand there and watch it.  
"He must not be getting my letters" she says, sitting on the bed.  
"Its Thomas Wayne mum. He`s a busy man"  
I think she`s right. They might not even hand him the letters. And if they do he wouldnt care. Why should he?"  
Mum makes that face while I cut her meat in small pieces. She is disappointed in my answer.  
"Please! i worked for that family for years. The least he could do is write back."  
I have to keep calm. I just hate it when she talks about him. I dont even know why I hate it. Maybe because she has the same fantasies I do. The fantasy that people actually care about you but they don`t. And it hurts being reminded of that fact all the time. We are poor. One of the forgotten. Why should someone like Thomas Wayne even care about us? She was cleaning for his family 30 years ago. I dont think she means anything to him. But I cant tell her that. So I just keep calm. I have learned to keep my feelings inside. Poeple dont wanna know how you feel about something.  
"Here. Don`t get all worked up, eat. You need to eat." I touch her face as I give her the food. Poor mum. Those letters must mean much to her.  
"You need to eat" she replies "Look how skinny you are".  
She points at me with the fork.  
I run my fingers through my hair and look at her. Does she really care about my health? I think she doesnt even realize what is going on with me. Sure, she can see that I am losing weight but she cant tell whats happening on the inside. And I dont want her to. I need someone to see whats on the inside. But not her. She would be concerned and she would get an heart attack or something. And I would be the one to blame. I just wanna be a good son.  
"He`ll make a great major. Everybody says so"   
"Oh yeah? Everybody who? Who do you talk to?"  
"Everybody on the news. He`s the only one who can save the city. He owes it to us."  
She really means that.  
Thomas doesnt owe us shit.  
I nodd but I know that my face expression gives it away that I just try to not say something she doesnt wanna hear.  
She talks like she knows him.  
But somehow I can relate. I have the same thing with Murray. I feel like I know him. I mean, I was watching him all my life. And if you do that, you start to feel a connection to those people. They start to become important to you, like family or close friends. And you start to fantasize about being with them. I guess tahas what Thomas is to her. And I think she also has a crush on him.  
Murray to me is a father figure. He`s the father I never had. I always imagin him to be my dad. he would make a great dad, because he is funny and he would like my jokes. He would listen to the latest jokes I wrote and laugh at them and he would teach me how to present myself up on stange and in front of the camera. I look up to Murray and could learn so much from him. I am convinced that Murray would bring out the best in me.   
"Come sit." she says "Its starting!"  
And the music finally starts to play.  
Oh! this is what I have been waiting for when I was with Dr Kane earlier today. I smile and turn the lights off to make it more cosy "Yaayy, Murray!"   
I hurry up to get on the bed beside my mum and take off my shoes. Just hearing the melody of the show starting to air is special to me. It makes me feel something. I can`t explain it but its there and I really like it.   
As soon as Murray is on the screen I drift away into another state of mind.  
I`m not at apartment 8J anymore.  
I`m right there with him at the show. In the audience, clapping and laughing for the dad I never had.  
And maybe, just maybe when I`m lucky enough I will get a hug from him.  
Yeah...  
Its true.   
This really is the best part of the day.


End file.
